Hello friends,

Please sit and let me tell you a little about my journey.

I have been pondering in my heart for many years before it flowered into living, beating words for the world (meditations).

My journey goes back to my childhood, struggling with dyslexia and ADHD, among other disabilities. I was unable to read and had to receive specialized training. I learned to read but still had struggles that carried throughout life. It doesn’t sound compatible with writing. I’m reminded of Moses, who was commanded to teach when he had a stutter. “For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor 12:11)

I had many feelings and thoughts bottled up in my heart from a young age. It was not a safe family to express yourself, so I became very shy. I wanted to create and bring into the world, but I didn’t know what I contained within me. Writing was a seed, and the Lord knew when the time was right.

Jump forward into my twenties, after many years of living in a dysfunctional, abusive home environment, some of my illnesses became full-blown disorders. I met a crisis where I was reverting to the Catholic faith and knew I had to leave home to find the Lord and break free from my past. I prayed soulfully for weeks for the Lord to send me to someone who could help in the ways God saw I needed and also assist in discerning a possible vocation (which I now see was the desire for holiness).

The Lord providentially led me to the hospital where my interior wounds were cared for, and this led to asking the Christian staff to help me move somewhere else. It was weeks of waiting for whichever location opened up first. They paid $200 for my taxi, and I was led an hour away to a new city. The Catholic Church next to my drop-off was the first thing I saw. That would be where I went to Sunday Mass four days later.

Come Sunday, I noticed a habited religious sister (a hermit sister) in the Church. After Mass, I felt the Lord nudged me to speak to her to ask if she could help me discern a vocation. When she saw me enter the Church, she heard interiorly, “She has a vocation,” Now I’m asking this of her. She was amazed!

To jump along, I eventually was invited to live in her garden apartment while discerning convents. It became evident my disabilities were a roadblock. However, in the 4.5 years I lived with her, she became a spiritual mother, and I received much healing and formation through her and her Carmelite programs. It was precisely the path I needed.

The Lord also provided a spiritual father through her associate, a priest, who has cared for my soul for some 17 years. He has been very healing for my father wounds and image of God the Father as gentle, humble, and loving.

After she passed to eternity, the programs in her hermitage continued for four years until retired. Then, I began praying for another Carmelite community that could support me like I had been. Months later 2017, grace led me to Connie Rossini’s Facebook Community, “Authentic Contemplative Prayer,” and I fell in love with the place. I was very active for a few years and forged beautiful friendships that carry on today.

In her Community, I also met Dan Burke. Yup, you guessed it. He was an Admin at the time. He shared about his online school, Avila Institute, and his lay Carmelite Community, Apostoli Viae. I took his classes, and they changed my life. That made me hunger for more formation and support in my new commitments. So I joined his Community and a year later took my first promises. That was 2019, and I continue to grow and discern this beautiful Community.

But what about the seed for writing? What happened?

I sensed something stirring within me for a few years of posting on my Facebook wall, but it wasn’t until spring 2018, after months of being active in Connie’s Community, that a powerful piece on Jesus’ Passion poured out. I was permitted to share it in her Community and received valuable feedback that this was a strong gift from the Lord.

It was around 2019, after taking Dan’s courses and making a firm commitment to daily mental prayer, that the writing charism began to bloom in the world for some years. Given my struggles with aridity and illnesses, it inspires me at surprising times. I’m still searching for the Lord in my struggles, searching for His will, and throwing myself into His arms for ongoing healing. My heart pours out into my prayers and meditations.

Another beautiful grace on my journey is discovering a call to dedicated virginity and taking a perpetual vow (permanent) under my spiritual director. I belong to a supportive virtual community called “Lillies of the Valley,” a group of women who helped me discern. I am deeply blessed and grateful.

I am at a crossroads in my life as far as finding suitable conditions for my life all around, being chronically disabled, and not seeing answers in SSI. Please keep me in your prayers.

May these outpourings of grace in my posts inspire you to seek the Lord with your whole being.

I am honored to be here and to share my story.

In His Heart,

Lindsey

Image: Lindsey, taken from my blog AdoreHim.com

CREDITS: https://adorehim.com/sharing/