Sometimes finding things to be grateful for can be difficult. There are seasons in life where it seems to fall apart all at once.

I know this feeling well— in January of 2016, I miscarried and two and a half weeks later, my sister died in a car accident on her way to my house. The days that ensued dragged on. My world was spinning out of control while the Earth seemed to turn around me. It felt like being frozen in a whirlpool.

That was sudden.

But more often than not, discontentment and trial seem to come little by little. It’s a bit like boiling a frog— we don’t notice things at first, or we chalk it up to being busy or tired. All of a sudden, we find our carefully constructed house of cards crashing down around us, and we wonder, “How did I get here?” I think we all know what this feels like.

I’m beginning to realize that we often find ourselves here by disengaging from our inner self and, as a result, Christ. In a world full of noise, we unplug from what our Lord is trying to speak to us in the stillness of our hearts, and we become consumed with external things. A lot of this is natural and often necessary to a degree if you have young children and cannot be wholly avoided.

When the seeds of discontentment or disquiet are sown quietly by the enemy, I can neglect to root them out. Little by little, these seeds are watered by the slow trickle of overwhelm. My body and mind begin to cry out— anxiety, depression, sluggishness, rapid heart rate, strange pains, and illness. I also see my self-esteem take a nosedive, and I wonder if I’ll ever get out of this dark place. Instead of pausing to consider what God is trying to speak to me through my body, I push on, waiting for it to pass until, all of a sudden, I can’t ignore it anymore.

When I finally get out of the dark tunnel and begin to see the light again, I remember that God’s mercies are new every morning. I’m learning (slowly, because I’m a slow learner of virtue) that gratitude has the capacity to root out those evil seeds sown. Practicing gratitude has allowed me to readily see the blessings in my life and shifts the paradigm through which I relate to the world around me. It also helps me see where I need to grow in trust and surrender to His Divine plan.

Resisting uniformity with His Will is the number one reason I find myself so deeply unhappy in various seasons of life. I want to push and pull away from the path laid before me. I look back at the "freedom” and autonomy I used to have, or I look forward to a contrived future, knowing full well that I have no idea what is in store.

The baby wants to be held again? But I have so much laundry to do! Or I just finally sat down to read a little of my Bible! Or I just don’t want to be touched anymore.

I used to drift into a daydream in these moments. I now realize, that’s exactly where the enemy wants me— anywhere but the present, anywhere that prevents me from entirely giving myself as Christ gave Himself up on the cross.

Now I strap that little cutie pie in my carrier and bounce around the house doing what I can and leaving up the rest. Gratitude is the carrier. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am meek and humble of heard. My yoke is easy and my burden light.”

Gratitude helps us carry it all.